July 02, 2005

House rules? Where? Why?

Michele asked on her blog: imagine for a moment that you were asked to write an etiquette guide of Do's and Don'ts for house guests. Name three items that you would include on the DON'T side of the list.

Thus far, she has gotten 42 replies, mine being the most recent. I wrote: "Don't have sex on my bed without me. (how is it that this has happened to no one else?)"

Apparently not: the most frequent comment was: "Don't smoke." Unless there's a pregnant woman or a person with an impaired respiratory system nearby, I can think of many more DON'Ts more severe than smoking.

Try, don't commit any act of violence (Stay clear of sharp implements). Don't wake me up unless it's time for dinner or theater or the house is on fire, not necessarily in that order. And my no. 1 reason, as previously stated, don't have sex on my bed without me.

House guests, dinner company, who you chose to socialize with in your house is very telling. Sometimes the list of people who decline is as revealing as the list of people who accept. My mother turned down an invitation from Tricia Nixon, who shared her alma mater, to the White House in the early 1970s.

Mom hadn't trusted Tricky Dick since the Kennedy-Nixon televised debates preceding the 1960 presidential election, and she was damned if she were going to accept his daughter's hospitality. I consider it her finest political moment.

The only reason I would ask someone not to smoke is that I would want to light up with him/her, and I am ostensibly no longer a smoker. (Twist my arm a tiny, tiny bit, and I will beg a cigarette from you in an instant.)

Much of the populace (including SUV drivers) seems to have gotten holier-than-thou on the subject of smoking in the last 15 years. The surgeon general's original bold-type warning dates back to 1964, so I have a hard time taking accepting that notion that you just received that memo. If you're driving one of the suburban-attack-vehicles, stick it in your muffler or other orifice.

Fast food can clog your arteries, if you want another non-newsflash. Oh, and driving while intoxicated? Major cause of car accidents, and felony convictions. Who'da thunk it? (And how many fill-in-the-blanks does it take to change the proverbial light bulb? Don't ask. I don't think I could bear to know how low the stupidity index can fall.)


Post a Comment

<< Home