March 07, 2006

Darkest when?

Not before the dawn. I've been awake 24 hours, and I assure you, in this hemisphere, in Wonderland, it is much darker at midnight....just in case you were curious. I wasn't, particularly, but independent (i.e., of my will to sleep) tests conducted last night prove otherwise.

Pitch black? Street lamps shine in my window, so that concept is shot, too. Do I mind? I would if I were trying to function today. I've given that up as a bad joke. Apparently the "darkness before the dawn" dates to Biblical days. Either I hallucinated last night, or it is a truism no one has bothered to confirm.

Or phone in. These days I figure if some news flash is that important, someone will telephone to let me know. This has been proven, on 9/11, as it happens. Someone could have carpet-bombed Manhattan, and I doubt I would have awakened to hear the impact.

Add sleep disorder to my list of complaints, if the page has any lines remaining. PMS is occupying a large slot as a deterrent to my competence and coherency. That is, assuming it's not menopause. Or would that be mental-pause?

Pardon me, I'm a bit punchy. Lack of sleep combined with pain combined with tranquilizing meds throws me sideways. At least that's the position I assume I'm in. Either that, or I've defied gravity, and no one's called in to report a shortage thereof.

In "The Dead," Joyce Carol Oates wrote: "Ilena thought it wisest to avoid complete mental alertness. That is was an overrated American virtue." Granted, no one would consider these political times a demonstration of such overrated virtue. Yet I must agree, mental alertness? Overrated is an understatement. I suspect I am lucky it is one from which I am not suffering.

I'm regressing quickly to the "ignorance is bliss" stage of life. If you have to phone it in, chances are, I don't want to take the call. In the words of Pink Floyd, "I have become comfortably numb." Or I'm headed straight there.



Blogger scout said...

Have you tried the ol' reverse psychology? I think the best way to get to sleep when the mind isn't cooperating is to fake left: Pretend you're in a sleep-deprivation experiment and that it's very important you stay awake. With any luck, you'll be drifting off in no time.

Oh, and there's always my good friend Seroquel.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Brighton said...

Wishing you sweet dreams and sleep. So sorry.

12:32 PM  

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