November 27, 2005

Engage, marry, divorce, repeat

There's more than a Y chromosome differentiating the men from the women, Alice has rediscovered. More prisms through which to view Alice's parents' marriage, the same one that her younger brother witnessed. What Alice saw did not appear enticing. What her brother saw apparently did.

Since Alice's brother either was pushed or jumped out of his marital home in early October (the details are fuzzy, but ending up at a Holiday Inn Express at 2 am simply because it had availability suggests more pushing than jumping), she had been concerned that he would be alone on Thanksgiving.

Silly Alice. She forgot that her brother's favorite hobby is women. He's on his third divorce, this one contested. Since her brother detests confrontation and waited for his to-be-ex to serve him with papers, the ex is asking for four years of alimony on a two-year marriage. (His lawyer had drawn up the papers, but presumably failed to suggest the process server might have given brother the pre-emptive strike.)

Prior to the papers, his not-soon-enough-to-be-ex-wife had asked for $50,000 to walk away from the marriage. At that point, she dropped from sister-in-law to c*nt, a term used sparingly but at critical moments. He doesn't have that kind of cash, for one thing, and for another, she's not worth it.

Why is Alice so surprised that brother found a new family with whom to celebrate holidays almost as soon as the papers spewed out of the laser printer? History does repeat itself. Again. And again.

Within six weeks, brother has acquired not only a girlfriend (promoted a week ago from "a date"), but he also had an invitation to join her at her family's Thanksgiving dinner. So brother was not all dressed up with no place to go.

He celebrated Thanksgiving with a girlfriend half his age, a child with the feminist consciousness of a rock. (Her current occupation is cook at Hooters. If she were old enough to serve liquor, she might graduate to Hooters girl, depending on breast size.)

In the past 16 years, Alice's brother has been engaged four times, and married three. She don't know why he bothers with legalizing these endeavors. Living with a woman is something he does well; marriage is a skill at which he does not exceed. Fortunately, he has no children.

Alice is wondering if a box of condoms would be in order for Christmas.


Anonymous MetroDad said...

Not sure how a box of condoms would help...except to protect the lives of the unborn (or yet to be conceived.) Unfortunately, Alice's brother seems to suffer from an affliction that I have witnessed in many others. I regret to inform you that, at this current time, there is no known cure. But a good old-fashioned subling smack-down can't hurt, can it?

11:42 AM  
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11:09 AM  

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